Hi, my name is Doug. I like wine, pizza, economics, politics, and Star Wars.

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am i doing the six selfie thing right

i have to be 100% moved out of my apartment in a week and i haven’t started packing

yes Wells Fargo i know my credit card is overcharged and no I can’t pay it back until i get paid on friday please stop emailing me i feel so attacked right now

i was having a great day until i saw the dc circuit court ruling on the affordable care act and now im livid

when people see jaclyn and i together

person: aw are you two dating?

jaclyn: no uh

me: uh

jaclyn: he's my....

me: she's my best friend and future boss

jaclyn: yeah that

me: i realized i could do both things at once, so i decided to ethically-capture-and-later-release-unharmed two birds with one stone

coworker: what

me: like "kill two birds with one stone" except I don't want to think about dead birds

coworker: -___-